Learning To Hate! by eProf2

This is fall break week for a lot of kids in Arizona. This week we’re entertaining our five year old great grandson while his mother is enjoying the break from parenthood. Mom is a single parent and can use the time off from a very active and intelligent little boy.

Somewhere in the socialization process, the “little guy” has learned to say whenever he encounters something he doesn’t know anything about or someone he’s never met, “I hate that!” He’ll say it about twenty times or more a day. We don’t think he means it or that he even understands, as a five year old, what the word “hate” really means.

Starting on his first day with us we noticed this verbal behavior. So, each time he said “hate” we’d stop him and ask him about what he meant by such a strong conviction. We’d also make him change his verbage, sometimes suggesting that he modify his language to say, “I don’t think I like that” or “that’s not what I like.” Forcing him to drop the “I hate” line.

We suspect that his overworked and harried mother or his teachers just don’t have the time to correct him or didn’t even notice his speech pattern. But, we did, and we were determined to change his contempt for things he didn’t even know about. And, you know what, he’s not saying he “hates” things after just four or five days together.

This is all antecdotal to a belief and a theory that children learn behavior at an early age, such as hatred, and carry it over into adulthood. Will our “little guy” grow up with a greater sense of tolerance? Who knows? We surely hope so. Still, if everyone in the “village” would take the time to talk to children about what they are saying and expressing, the next generation might talk down hatred and all of its ugly consequences. Time will tell!

[also posted at http://www.eprof22.blogspot.com]

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40 Comments

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40 responses to “Learning To Hate! by eProf2

  1. I had such a flashback reading this eprof, “you don’t hate” was such a frequent chiding of my mother’s. Of course as with your great grandchild (damn I didn’t realize you were old enough to have one) it was usually over simple things, certain foods, people from school. But you and your wife are right, it’s about a mindset about how we teach our children to walk through life. I do remember once making a ethnic slur about someone when I was a young kid in front of my father (an extremely mild tempered man) and he turned to me and snapped with an anger I had never seen before in him “What’s so fucking special about you?”. The vigor of my father’s response really rattled me, and it was a moment I never forgot.

  2. Over two years ago I wrote a blog article that concerned both your post and the one by dnd yesterday called, The Whale Sang Opera

    http://jdurward.blogspot.com/2006/08/whale-sang-opera.html

    There was a time when even the least educated among us were exposed to something different in school, movies, and on TV. The vocabulary was better, the respect for education greater, and the vision was given of a different way of living or things to experience.

    Whether it is a lack of time or laziness, the majority of influences on children today seems to be a disregard of learning combined with an almost adulation of “the common man” or the bling bling of celebrity.

    I don’t know the answer other than to keep striving as you are doing with your grandchild.

  3. Good for you and I am happy for you that you noticed his use of the word “hate.” It’s a word that also bothers me, when ever I hear someone in my family say it I repl y for example: ” I hate this computer” – I replied ” and the computer hates you too.” Kind of making a mockery of word choice.

    It’s rough out there for children because of exposure, too many things they hear and see are out of the parents control. A parent may not even know a child is saying hateful words.

    In any case, great post, I hope your daughter carries on your efforts when she returns home.

    (a few years ago at work we outlawed the word “problem” it has been replaced with “issue.”) Made a huge difference in attitudes and confidence levels – believe it or not.

  4. okay now , I am running late,
    btw Nice to see you here Jamie! -Oh yeah and all the rest of you too.

    Brian- I really enjoyed the Erase Hate week !

  5. dnd

    eprof2,
    Your grandson is lucky to have such great grandparents. This was the perfect piece to cap off Erase Hate Week.

  6. dnd

    Police estimate the crowd size at Obama St. Louis rally to be 100,000.

  7. chefsheila

    Eprof!

    Great lesson and a reminder about the formative years. It begins with US grownups doesn’t it? not only with the spoken word, but also with the unspoken vibe. Children are like sponges.

    I hope you have a refresher with your Grandson’s Mom too. ;0)

  8. chefsheila

    Here is one heck of an article from Politico…..I’m very encouraged after reading this. We have have taken a giant leap for Mankind in this election. We may have caught up to where MLK wanted us. This next year will start showing us.

    Racists for Obama?
    By BEN SMITH

    http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14691.html

    New polling and a trickle of stories from the battleground states suggest that Sen. Barack Obama’s coalition includes one unlikely group: white voters with negative views of African Americans.

  9. nannymm

    Well said, eprof. I think far too often we all use words like hate and evil that are far too strong for the situation. Being aware of that, and teaching children to express themselves without resorting to the use of such words, is something we all should work at.

  10. nannymm

    Good afternoon, everyone.

  11. chefsheila

    From the Left Coast, I say Good Morning Nanny!

  12. nannymm

    Thousands Face Mix-Ups In Voter Registrations
    In New Databases, Many Are Wrongly Flagged as Ineligible
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/17/AR2008101703360.html?wpisrc=newsletter&sid=ST2008101702930&s_pos=

    Sounds like the repugs are up to their old tricks.

  13. chefsheila

    Yes nanny, its going to get pretty wicked in the next two weeks. I’ll be glad when this is over.

  14. chefsheila

    McCain hasn’t been in touch with Powell

    Tom DeFrank has some good inside dope on the campaign for Colin:

    Sources close to the retired four-star general and American icon cautioned that Powell’s support for Obama over John McCain might stop short of a formal endorsement when he’s interviewed on NBC’s “Meet the Press” Sunday.

    Given Powell’s cautious nature, he might decide to make his endorsement of Obama implied, rather than explicit. Even so, a well-informed source told the Daily News:

    “After Sunday people aren’t going to have any doubt who he’s voting for.”

    Two other colleagues Powell has consulted in recent weeks told The News that while Powell admires McCain, he’s roubled that the GOP candidate has surrounded himself with hardline national security advisers.

    “McCain has too many neocons working for him,” said one Republican source familiar with Powell’s thinking.

    Powell is also irked that McCain’s political handlers orchestrated disingenuous leaks to reporters during the Democratic convention that Powell was a leading candidate to be McCain’s running mate.

    The News reported in August that when McCain met with Powell in early summer to lobby for his endorsement, Powell told the Arizona senator he wouldn’t join the ticket under any circumstances.

    Obama also privately lobbied Powell after the primaries and has called the general frequently since in hopes of making the sale. McCain, by contrast, has been AWOL; Powell hasn’t heard from him in months.

    “He wishes McCain could give him a reason to vote for him, but he hasn’t yet,” a Powell associate told The News.

  15. chefsheila

    My apologese for the long post. But it was half way down a blog page on Politico….

    Interesting.

  16. nannymm

    That is very interesting , Sheila. I hope he comes out and just endorses Obama. No reason to tiptoe around it.

    I found this one snopes. I think it’s interesting, especially for those who are in states that have “Straight Party Ticket” voting.
    http://www.snopes.com/politics/ballot/straightticket.asp

  17. dnd

    “Thousands Face Mix-Ups In Voter Registrations
    In New Databases, Many Are Wrongly Flagged as Ineligible”

    This is all the more reason for people who’ve recently registered to take Steve’s advice and vote early. Not mail-in voting, but show up early so if there’s a registration problem, it can be fixed and their vote be counted.

  18. chefsheila

    Nanny, Thats interesting. I have never been in a state where there was a line for straight Party Ticket…..

    Of course, I have voted absentee most of my life.

    So all of this is very enlightening.

  19. nannymm

    It’s also a bit frightening. It seems to me that these ballots need to be designed so as to be simple and straightforward to eliminate as much as possible the chance to mess it up. Is that really asking to much?

  20. chefsheila

    Interesting new page on TPM. There is a whole list of Pundits and there comments about McCain….

    TPM Presents: McCain & The Pundits

    http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2008/10/tire_swinging_the_alternative.php

  21. chefsheila

    Ex DOJ Voting Rights Chief: “It’s Going to Take a Long Time to Cleanse” Department

    http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/

    By Zachary Roth – October 17, 2008, 5:34PM

    A former top Department of Justice voting rights official — who once worked with John McCain in defense of the senator’s campaign-finance reform bill — has added his name to the growing chorus that is denouncing the department’s investigation of ACORN as a shameful and inappropriate politicization of Justice along the lines of the US attorney firings.

  22. dnd

    Shelia,
    From that TPM link:

    “As Dana Bash put it: “He [McCain] had a gas grill going and he was barbecuing baby back ribs. And he was sharing with everybody his recipe for the best, from his perspective, the best baby back ribs.”

    1. Gas isn’t good for barbecuing. Grilling OK, but not barbecuing.
    2. Barbecue is low and slow. Grilling is hot and fast. Not good for breaking down the connective tissue in ribs.

    Anybody that doesn’t understand the distinction is not suited to be in the oval office.

    Sorry to rant, but BBQ is something that is near and dear to my heart 😉

  23. chefsheila

    LOLOLOL

    Well lets put this in perspective. He wasn’t doing anything that hadn’t already been done by his hard working chef! He was just playin with the meat! 🙂

  24. nannymm

    He’s a fraud, dnd and Sheila, even when it comes to BBQ.

  25. Karolenna

    I remember as a young child my parents told all five of us children “you do not hate anyone”. Growing up that also made me not speak out when I was angered about something. I remember as a child, who loved John F. Kennedy, sitting in Sunday School and actually hearing all the others, even the teacher, make fun of this Catholic who was not going to win the WH. I wanted to speak out but I was always shy (if you can believe that). It took being run over a few times and outraged other times to “bring me out of my shell”. Now, when I can, I donate to get people out of office, if I can, and try to help get those I like into office. You can make a difference. Just look at the “little man” who has made a difference in the Obama campaign this time. Now, if we can keep the Bachman’s and the Palin’s mouths shut about us being un-American and get them to sound more like true Americans, we might win this thing.

  26. Karolenna

    Since Barbara Bachman (Minnesota) made the terrible remarks last night on Chris Matthews’ show about the Democrats being so “UnAmerican” and there should be some kind of investigation into the Democrats in Congress, there have been tremendous donations going to her opponent, Democrat El Tinklenberg, in Minnesota. Bachman needs to be sent home and not a member of any Congress. She is the one who should be investigated for making remarks as she did last night. Actually, I just donated to Tinkenberg, so if you can help get this “woman” out of Congress please try to contribute.

    His campaign manager said, “It’s overwhelming,” said Richey. “I’ve gotten 600 e-mail messages into our info e-mail account in the last 12 hours. People are outraged.”

    http://www.awesclarkdemocrat.com/2008/10/donate_to_el_tinklenberg_and_h.htm

    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/10/18/politics/politico/thecrypt/main4530806.shtml

  27. Karolenna

    As of 3:19 p.m. today, which was before my contribution and probably many more, Democrat El Tinklenberg of Minnesota had donations in the amount of $438,346.57 raised in just hours since Bachman was on Matthews last night. We Obama people come through for our candidates.

    Everyone must be watching football or something. Heck, I can’t chat when everyone else does. Feel like I’m talking to myself.

  28. nannymm

    You aren’t, Karo. I’m reading when I can get away from the stove for a min. You make great points. And…I always had you pegged as the quiet, shy, retiring type. LOL

  29. chefsheila

    I just got back in from Grocery Shopping. remember, this is the cook cook cook day before two days off.

    We miss you K! 🙂

  30. chefsheila

    Just donated a small pittance. Since I”m poor and broke…..BUT HOLY SMOKES that crazy woman needs to be gone!

  31. Karolenna

    I really wish I could work part-time, but I’m just thankful that I’m working at all even though it’s up at 5:30 am and home at 6:00 pm. So, when I’m home must get things done. Also I’m tired even though the job is not that taxing for me. Hey, I need my sleep.

    Sheila, I felt like I had to donate to help get that Bachman out of office. Did you notice that Wes Clark is helping Tinklenberg?

  32. Karolenna

    Watch Katrina Vanden Heuvel Respond to Bachman’s Call for McCarthy like Investigation of Members of Congress. She is so right on and sounds very angry. That’s the reason we must try to get Bachman out of office.

  33. Karolenna

    Watch Katrina Vanden Heuvel Respond to Bachman’s Call for McCarthy like Investigation of Members of Congress. She is so right on and sounds very angry. That’s the reason we must try to get Bachman out of office.

  34. chefsheila

    I respect Vanden Heuvel…..she is one in a million!

  35. horsedooty

    where do these people come from this kook Bachman?

  36. chefsheila

    Brian!!! Awesome..,..the only word for it. 🙂

  37. chefsheila

    Hilarious David Horsey!

    Undecided Voters Try To Decipher The McCain Message…

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/horsey/viewbydate.asp?ID=1844

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