Rules of the Universe ~ BevnTempe

universe[1]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other.

13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.

17. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

23. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

24. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and "mental illness."

25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

26. You should not confuse your career with your life.

27. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

28. Never lick a steak knife.

29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

33. Your friends love you anyway.

34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

35. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

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45 Comments

Filed under BevnTempe

45 responses to “Rules of the Universe ~ BevnTempe

  1. Evening peeps,

    Thanks Bev, you always make me chuckle, it’s appreciated. Spoke with nanny a little earlier, she sounds a lot better today than she did yesterday. UB I passed along your regards.

  2. TempeBev

    Thanks Brian – it’s one of my goals in life, to make people happy and laugh.

  3. Love it Bev…..not sure which one is my fav!

    Thanks Brian…. 🙂

  4. morning peeps, boy i had some weird dreams last night. Odd. BTW UB nice new pic of you.

  5. Breaking News Alert
    The New York Times
    Fri, November 13, 2009 — 7:03 AM ET
    —–

    Key 9/11 Suspect to Face Trial in New York, Official Says

    The self-proclaimed Sept. 11 mastermind Khalid Shaikh
    Mohammed and four other Guantánamo Bay detainees will be sent
    to New York to face trial in a civilian federal court, an
    Obama administration official said Friday.

  6. dnd

    Great post Bev!

    Happy Friday the 13th everyone.

  7. dnd

    “The Republican National Committee will no longer offer employees an insurance plan that covers abortion, Politico reports this morning.”

    http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2009/11/rnc-nixes-abortion-coverage-for-its-employees/1

    Huh. Wonder what took them so long?

  8. Haha, yeah it makes you wonder don’t it d. Looks like the repugs are going nuts about the 9/11 trails.

  9. Breaking News Alert
    The New York Times
    Fri, November 13, 2009 — 12:34 PM ET
    —–

    Water Found on Moon, Scientists Say

    The discovery came out of a mission a month ago in which a
    satellite hit into a crater near the lunar south pole.

    Read More:
    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/14/science/14moon.html?hp&emc=na

  10. Doesn’t anyone get the fact that it’s pretty important for the hijackers to be tried in front of a jury of New Yorkers?

  11. Of course BevnTempe makes a lot of people happy all the time ’cause she is always Loving and CARing even if she is not attending church to be a Christian or standing in a garage to be a CAR…. she approaches each and every human soul as an equal and deserving of support, admiration or attention, care and consideration. Her rules of the Universe are spot on, n’est ce pas?? Humorous and diagonally if not directly true! Go Bev, Go!!

  12. Wish some of you smart people would quickly create an index to “Going Rogue” and put it on the web… might cut down on some of the sales orders??? Certainly don’t want a ‘five chapter’ lady (can’t even say author) firing up somebody’s base and getting ahead in the political world with a non-literary extravaganza.

  13. smart people aren’t reading it. Bev who is your groupie?

  14. TempeBev

    What a great surprise. I didn’t realize I had such a fan. MesaDon-Aldo and his wife are very sweet and loving friends. I appreciate it words very much.

    Thanks, MDA!

  15. dnd

    MesaDon-Aldo,
    The lack of an index was done on purpose. With index producing software it is neither time consuming nor expensive to produce an index.

    I’m thinking the rationale was for everybody to have to read her book to see if they are included. This may be a smart strategy as it will force people to comment, and as the former Governor has learned, any publicity, good or bad, is good for her.

    ps. I’m guessing someone will download her book and run it through some indexing s/w. We’ll probably see and index, hopefully annotated, soon on the web.

  16. dog's eye view

    Bev: love these rules. Particularly the one about the garage and the car.

    Cheers to all and check back in in a few days.

  17. Yes, dnd, I do know about the indexing software,– have even used it several times. I do realize that the omission of an index was intentional… that’s why I think it would be wonderful if someone who buys the book early would put an index on the web to thwart later, but still curious, buyers. I ain’t going to be one of the buyers so someone else will have to do it…I know it would be exposure to copyright laws but it could be fun while it lasted! Do I sound as if I do not admire the former parttime gov of Al-ask-her? If I were to write a book which included Sarah P. she would be found in my index under “D,” for DingBat.

  18. Brian, et al, I do think it strange that people don’t realize the appropriateness of a NYC trial for the few Gitmo Guys they are sending for trial. A lot of our repug friends are complaining for a lot of silly Beckish reasons, including my two AZ senators, John McC and Jon K. There are some possible pitfalls in the process but think the overall effect will help to reestablish belief in USA as a just society and a nation of laws. Even during the Bush regime there were non-military court trials of terrorists with resultant solid convictions…. nobody complained then. (Oh, how the hapless repugs love to smear and complain about anything right in the current moment.) This all reminds me of the salutory effect of the Nuremberg trials in the history of human justice. They certainly made the US look better than if we had lined up all the Nazi leaders and just shot them on the spot….perhaps they deserved it but we gained so much ground with those spectacular trials. I are very old so I remember them.

  19. The “D Index” also contains Ding-a-Lings, Dumb-Bunnies, Dear-Me-Dreadfuls, DisturbedNDangerous, Dopes (a very old term), D**kHeads, Demented, DropOuts, Disc(k)Jockeys, DitheringIdiots, Debs, Duplicates, Drainers, Dummies, DeezNDoze, DustBunnies, DustBrains, DustAboutEveryoneElse, anD so forth, including the really Dedicated! [well, a few].

  20. *stretches and yawns*

    top of the morning peeps

  21. dnd

    MesaDon-Aldo, here’s some fun reading:

    FACT CHECK: Palin’s book goes rogue on some facts

    http://www.denverpost.com/ci_13786801

  22. Thnx dnd. Good read. Maybe SP’s not a DingBat, just a DeviousDiva. If she’d been my governor, I would have wished her to leave the executive mansion on her inauguration day.

    Tell me WiserOnes, whose woodwork is LouDobbs going to climb out of? Or should we pray he stays encased.

    I do like L. O’Donnell but why is Keith O so often gone from CountDown… is he visiting his ailing dad??

  23. TempeBev

    MDA- glad you’re contributing! Good input. Hope you become a regular.

  24. I’m assuming it has to do with his dad, sometimes O’Donnell pisses me off, I find him a tad pessimistic.

  25. TempeBev

    L. O. is OK most of the time, but he definitely has a fierce temper, not much of a sense of humor (at least that shows) kinda like from the dark side. He’s a good substitute. Wouldn’t want him on his own show.

  26. dnd

    I rarely watch K.O. as PBS’s The News Hour is on here during the same time. But I like O’Donnell. Every now and then when channel surfing in the morning I see him on Morning Joe, which I only watch when O’Donnell is on. Scarborough is a master of making things up and trying to sound like they are facts to support his position. The only one on that program who calls him on his BS is O’Donnell, who is always prepared. It’s entertaining to see Scarborough try to change the subject.

    I’m surprised the thin-skinned Scarborough lets O’Donnell appear on the show any more…

  27. I have nothing of importance to add to this discussion, as I can’t keep up with the “crazy” that is now our political norm….I mean seriously…..it’s like the politicians have fallen off a cliff, and they can’t get up. (and what is with their hair ?)

    Certainly, in time there should be a return to at the very least “attempting” to look like people of good will and intention…..(?)

    Nanny : feel better sweetie.
    Dnd: Scar-butt is gross on so many levels.
    Brian : Do you dislike it when people call you Bri?

    Hello new person, friend of Bev’s, welcome to the best joint on the net.

    I have to go….early wake up call.

    peace~

  28. for no other reason then just to share….my favs…..
    6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
    29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
    17. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
    3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. (I like this one even though I am not religious)
    23. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

  29. “Brian : Do you dislike it when people call you Bri?”

    Well lets just say it doesn’t bump you to the top of my list!

  30. TempeBev

    The world is spinning off it’s axis. Liz C. thinks her dad DICK would be a good candidate for prez in 2012.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/15/liz-cheney-suggests-dad-d_n_358314.html

  31. TempeBev

    Good for a chuckle on Sunday morning or afternoon or wherever you live.

    http://www.bettybowers.com/goingrouge.html

  32. TempeBev

    Thanks U.B. They’re all thought provoking. I agree with you 100% on #3.

  33. I full support the idea of a Cheney/Palin ticket for the GOP in 2012!

  34. dnd

    Bev,
    #2 is my favorite.

    BTW, no sane man would ever say #23.

  35. dnd

    https://clistersbackchannel.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/rules-of-the-universe-bevntempe/#comment-28787

    Bev,
    I’m beginning to think that cable news is to news as professional wrestling is to sports.

    ps. I do give credit to CNN for trying to be strictly news by dumping Lou Dobbs. The need to follow through with Campbell Brown.

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