Here’s what I hope President Obama says tonight in his address on Afghanistan:
“Good evening. During these last few weeks while I have been ‘dithering’ on Afghanistan I had a brain fart. General McChrystal tells me he wants 40,000 more troops to accomplish the mission, though we can’t say for certain how long they’ll have to be there. Peter Orszag over at OMB tells me that it’ll cost us a cool million bucks per trooper per year. That ain’t their pay. Hell, most of their families qualify for food stamps. It ain’t for bullets and MRE’s either. Most of it goes to those overpaid war profiteers who provide sub-par support services to our brave troops.
Then it hit me. The Taliban gets a bunch of it’s funding from the opium trade in Afghanistan. It’s about a $3 billion/year trade. So what if we told the Afghans that we’ll buy all their poppy crop for, say, $4 billion/year. This would dry up Taliban funding. Game over.
Plus we’d be $36 billion/year to the good. Plus we’d cut the supply of heroin and the crime that’s associated with the drug trade. We could burn the crop, or sell it to manufacturers that make medicinal opiates and recoup some of our costs.
The only losers in this plan, outside of the Taliban, are those shareholders of the war profiteering companies who like a fat dividend check at the taxpayer’s expense, like say, a certain fat former Vice President…
Yes my fellow Americans, this is a win-win situation for us and our friends in Afghanistan.
Thank you, and may God bless the United States of America.”