Adult Kids Relationships

Since politics suck, the weather is too damn hot, I’m in between books, and I just finished a jigsaw puzzle, I decided to stretch my brain and do some thinking. I thought about my grown-up kids.
Parent-adult child relationships are often an enigma. They can be heartwarming,
cold-shouldered or somewhere in between. Since I am the mom of 3 adult kids,
after analyzing my categories, I decided I have the good fortune to have 2 of the 3.  I would classify my connection with my first born as the “somewhere in between” relationship. Being the oldest, he left home after high school and became an adult
at college out of state, met his bride, got married and started a family. They became their own “unit” as it should be. However, a warm relationship never developed.
We have an excellent relationship with our daughter. She is the most open and shares willingly about herself and her life. We have a great relationship with our son and his partner who live near by in the same area. We see them often and share meals and are invited to their parties. These are the heart-warming relationships. I can feel the love because I can feel the warmth from my daughter and this son. I know either of these adult kids will care for me in old age.
Recently I had the opportunity to be together with all three of our offspring. They aren’t particularly close. They are three distinct individuals with totally different lives and careers.
I candidly observed my grown-up kids when they were together. I had the oddest feeling– who were these people? I knew I had given birth, watched them grow, and then said goodbye as two of them left home, choosing to live in other states. I have individual relationships with all of them, but felt weird when they were all together under the same roof. I questioned myself, was I a good mom if I was asking myself who were they? I think the weird feeling came because I don’t know them anymore as a group. I realized that they are truly adult-children and have their own lives and it’s not often that we are all together. I sometimes wish we lived closer, but that’s not how things turned out. One thing that will never change – I will love them all unconditionally.
As for the question if I was a good mom, I decided that since I never took lessons on how to be a parent, I did OK. They all turned out fine, have good jobs, great families, have never had to move back home, and they all call me on Mother’s Day. Yup, it’s definitely an enigma. I may have to think about it some more some day – after I read my next mystery novel.

Advertisements

22 Comments

Filed under BevnTempe

22 responses to “Adult Kids Relationships

  1. Morning peeps,
    Nice read Bev, thanks. I feel quite comfortable in saying that you were probably a great mom!

    • dnd

      What’s not being reported in the Shirley Sherrod story is the role of the lame stream media (thank you Caribou Barbie). Haven’t they figured out that the malicious Andrew Breitbart and Fox news don’t have a problem lying to further their agenda?

      What’s worse is that this lame-o reporting is now pervasive in the follow-on reporting. The notion that the President Obama was personally responsible for firing a mid-level USDA employee is preposterous. Reminds me of a quote from our wise sage Sr Dooty: These days, jumping to conclusions is the only exercise I get.

      Race is the continuing third rail. Too bad this story is swamping the unemployment extension story.

  2. I don’t have a problem with this story “swamping” the unemployment story, it shows just what the Right is all about.

    P.S. you just can’t copy and paste a word document into WordPress without checking the formatting.

  3. dog's eye view

    Breitbart is scum, but you can’t have him (and Fox News) saying “jump” and the administration saying “how high”?

    Vilsack and his deputy demanding a resignation before all the facts were in is a self-inflicted wound.

    This is pitiful all around. It’s depressing the administration fell for this. A reinstatement is in order.

  4. dog's eye view

    Bev: Would suspect you’re a very good parent, and the kids have their own personalities.

    NYTimes had interesting discussion thread, though, on good parents having “bad seed” kids.

    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/12/when-good-parents-have-bad-children/

    PS: My take: Dr. Friedman, who wrote the original story, appears to have only interviewed the mother.

    Not enough information to make an informed judgment on the family situation, let alone write a NYTimes Science section story.

    • dnd

      WASHINGTON – Reveling in victory, President Barack Obama on Wednesday signed into law the most sweeping overhaul of financial regulations since the Great Depression, a package that aims to protect consumers and ensure economic stability from Main Street to Wall Street.

      http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100721/ap_on_bi_ge/us_financial_overhaul

      • dnd

        Apparently the Veep is jazzed about financial reform:

        Today, President Obama signed into law the most sweeping reforms of our financial system since the Great Depression and the strongest consumer protections in history.

        We’ve put together a video that walks through what the bill means for the American people:

        Join the Discussion

        Here are a few highlights:

        * There’s now a single agency responsible for looking out for consumers: the Bureau for Consumer Financial Protections. Instead of seven agencies dealing with these issues part-time, one agency will be in charge of establishing clear rules of the road for banks, mortgage companies, payday lenders and credit card lenders.
        * Mortgage brokers won’t make a higher commission by selling people mortgages that they can’t afford. This was a major factor in the recent housing crisis. Now brokers and banks have to take into consideration a borrower’s ability to repay before giving a home loan.
        * You’ll be able to get a free credit score if you’re denied a loan, an apartment, or a job because of your credit, so you won’t be turned down without knowing why. Right now, you get one free credit report a year, but you can’t see your credit score for free, even if a lender or employer rejects your application because you have bad credit.
        * No more bailing out banks with our tax dollars, no more “too big to fail.” If a company’s in trouble because of risky gambles, it will have to liquidate — and do so before it can take down the rest of the financial system.

        To learn more and watch the video, head over to WhiteHouse.gov:

        http://www.whitehouse.gov/WallStreetReformVideo

        Yesterday, under pressure from the President, the Senate overcame a partisan minority and took an important step toward passing an extension of unemployment insurance. We need to keep the pressure on to ensure that there are no more delays and that this assistance gets to our friends and neighbors who lost their jobs during this crisis as soon as possible.

        Their struggles are a staggering reminder of how much damage has been done and how many families have had it so tough for so long now — in no small part due to reckless greed and irresponsibility hundreds or thousands of miles away on Wall Street.

        The problem was that year after year, decade after decade, Wall Street gained more and more power in Washington, and they and their allies in Congress fought with everything they had to derail these reforms — but this time there was a President who fought back, and this time they lost.

        Let me tell you something: This President has been fighting for the middle class since Day 1. He stood strong for the Recovery Act that’s created or saved 3 million jobs and cut taxes for 95 percent of working families. He fought tooth and nail against the insurance companies to pass health reform after seven previous presidents failed. And now the middle class has won out over the Wall Street lobbyists.

        Wall Street reform is a big deal — and it’s only the latest major step forward for the American people.

        Sincerely,

        Joe Biden
        Vice President

        P.S. If you’ve made it this far, I know you’re interested in Wall Street reform. Check out the video, and share it with folks who might find it helpful:

        http://www.whitehouse.gov/WallStreetReformVideo

  5. I’d believe Richard Nixon before I believed Breitbart.

  6. Breaking News Alert
    The New York Times
    Thu, July 22, 2010 — 4:48 PM ET
    —–

    House Panel Says Rep. Charles B. Rangel Violated Ethics Rules

    A House investigative panel has concluded that Representative
    Charles B. Rangel, Democrat of New York, violated a range of
    ethics rules.

    The investigative panel did not disclose any details about
    the violations that it found, but one House official who has
    been briefed on the findings said that they included some
    that were among the most serious allegations that had been
    examined.

    In its investigation, which lasted nearly two years, the
    committee looked into accusations that Mr. Rangel received
    improper discounts on four rent-stabilized apartments he
    rented in Harlem, that he failed to report or pay taxes on
    rental income from a villa he owned in the Dominican
    Republic, and that he improperly provided legislative favors
    for a company that promised to give $1 million for an
    academic center named for him.

  7. @Bev – I loved your post. I look at my adult siblings and wonder who the hell are these people. For one thing they are all male, two divorced one never married. They do not speak to me unless we are exchanging pleasantries at a once a year gathering, which I didn’t go to last year, because I didn’t see the point. We have lived here 12 years – and not once have they attended any function for my children. They didn’t even send a graduation gifts or cards. We live in within 6 miles of each other. I never see them except passing in cars.

    I moved back here because of the family I thought I had, more like the one I imagined. What a mistake!

    Anyway, I am hopeful that my children can see the blatant dysfunction and when they age I hope they will realize they are a family, near or far.
    —————–
    Hi everyone else! I hope you are all happy and well!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s